English-revised rough draft essay #3

Please revise your rough draft of Essay #3 based on  

  • Feedback received from your peer reviewers,
  • Feedback received from me (if available at the time),
  • Any feedback received from PCC tutors
  • The reverse outline activity,
  • The tips about checking for missing sub-ideas, and
  • The tips about transitions and overall paper coherence.

Underline or highlight all revisions made since the last draft submitted.

PLEASE SEE FEEDBACK FROM PROFESSOR:

If you are using the copy of the play from our textbook, just the page # is needed.  If you are using an online copy, then no in-text citation is needed (since you are citing a work of literature, the author’s last name isn’t needed.  The date isn’t needed either).  

Raisin in the Sun (not Raising)  

P1.  What is the main point of P1?  Are you making an argument about the “ideological differences between generations” as illustrated by Mama and Walter?  If so, make that statement in the topic sentence of your para.  

P2.   You begin this paragraph discussing 1 point (Mama’s perspective) and then switch to a discussion of a 2nd point (Walter’s perspective).  There’s a paragraph unity issue.  

P3 discusses Walter’s perspective — an obsession with cash.  

P4.  discusses Walter’s perspective  — the kind of freedom with which Mama is content is not enough for Walter.  

What you might do is reorganize the above info into just 3 paragraphs so that your paragraphs have a clearer focus: P1.  Focus on what is good enough for Mama, perhaps mention what she says the South was like when she grew up there and why the present day Chicago is so much better.  

P2.  Discuss one of Walter’s “ideological differences” – His desire for financial freedom and sucess.    

P3.  Continue the discussion begun in P2 above if needed.  

You will need to begin each of the above new paragraphs with a clear topic sentence.   

You might also expand your argument beyond just comparing/contrasting Walter and Mama.  Why not bring in Beneatha and Ruth, too?  How does Beneatha’s perspective differ from Mama’s?  How does Ruth’s perspective differ from Mama’s?  How do Beneatha and Ruth demand more than that with which Mama is content?